NOTES FROM MY LATEST PRESS CONFERENCE

1.
Please be aware that I am the hero, despite me saying otherwise. The others I mentioned—volunteers, brave members of the public, those bold boys in blue—only became involved directly after, or, indeed because of, my actions.

2.
Yes, certainly, as I said, I was "just doing my job", up to and including the moments of what will I have no doubt be described by the media as "the bravest, most noble act one human can perform", but, really, my job description does not include the unbelievable act of courage and sacrifice I performed.

3.
I was very disappointed to hear my heroic deed described in one question as "in some way reflex". No one knew what was going through my head but me. To think—and what's more to have the callous insensitivity to infer in a question—that I in some way had no control over my actions is not only offensive to me, but to all those people who would not be here today if not for my actions.

4.
When the briefing sheet I had prepared was handed around to the attending press, I noticed many people simply ignoring it: shoving it into a folder without reading it, placing it under their chairs—and—in one horrifying instance, tearing it up. In this age of instant media, what self-respecting journalist would not want the opportunity to "scoop" his or her rivals by posting the heartfelt and tremendously accurate report I had ignored a real medical doctor to prepare. My writing evoked the true horror of the situation I was in, and the true wonder of the way I handled myself in a situation where many would have fallen apart. I fear that no media outlet may truly let the public know that I did indeed accomplish "the bravest, most noble act one human can perform" (page 8).

5.
My chair could have been a lot more comfy.